“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” ~ C.S. Lewis
Last year, I made a new friend at the Allume Christian Women Bloggers’ Conference. Deb Weaver and I instantly connected — found we were kindred spirits — and shared some very special moments during the conference, encouraging each other in the Lord. Since then, we’ve kept in touch. On Friday when I posted a Journal Prompt: What Am I Afraid Of? — Deb emailed me an entry from her journal, something she’d written that very morning as she poured out her heart to Jesus. It’s a powerful prayer … especially for those of us who want so desperately for our lives to count for something.
She’s given me permission to share her words with you:
I live afraid. I realized that this morning. Things I normally do not associate with fear really are–like my constant, absolute need to accomplish things and my deep disappointment with myself when I don’t (like yesterday). At the core is fear.
Fear that I will waste my life. Fear that I will miss the boat of Your will. Fear that I am missing out. Fear of being lazy. Fear that I will be carried along on the currents of whatever comes along and miss the deep waters of Your purpose. That my earthly life won’t matter.
I know time is short and brief here. I know I’ve wasted plenty of eternal opportunities in the past. I know me — how undisciplined I am. I want to walk in Your Spirit but I’m afraid I won’t/don’t hear Your voice clearly or that I’ll default to old, powerful habits. Wasting time, wasting life, disappointing You.
I know I need You and for You to fill my every crevice. First and foremost You want me to BE Yours. Beth Moore once said that if we’ll seek You with all our hearts we can’t help but accomplish Your purposes. Help me to believe that. Transform this fear into faith.
Teach me to hear, recognize, and heed Your voice. Help me to discern between when I’m walking in Your Spirit and when I’m striving on my own, between when I am moved/stilled by Your Spirit and when I am floating along with the current. Lead me to healthy, flexible routines/schedules so that my muscle memory helps fight against decay and the current of old habits.
I do not want to live afraid. I want to live openheartedly and joyfully, to move to the rhythms of Your trust and love. You have a purpose and a plan for my life — ones I probably can’t even fathom — things YOU will accomplish in and through me in Your timing and in Your way.
I can rest in Your ability and sovereignty.
Remind me when I tense up, when I want to bury my head in wasteful activities or gluttonous excess, when I forget. Bring me back to You, Your power, Your omniscient and sovereign plan to Your goodness and love.
YOU ALONE ARE ABLE to redeem this life, to bring it to fulfillment.
I do not have to live afraid.
Deb Weaver, a wife, mom of adult children, and friend enjoys discovering threads of joy, beauty, and faith in the tapestry of daily life. Her heart’s passion is to encourage women through writing, speaking, and living fearlessly. She desires others to see the fingerprints of our amazing God and to respond to His lavish love by following Him more closely. Visit Deb’s blog at: http://thewordweaver.com You’ll also find her on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DebWordWeaver and Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/DebTheWordWeaver